My amazing wife (Sarah) asked me (Jeremy) to provide a man’s perspective on what men want for Father’s Day...
So, here is my two cents… Keep in mind, I don't know your dude… but for me, I am very simple, as are most men.
I don't need any gadgets or gizmos... if I need new underwear, work tie or socks, I will order them myself on Amazon!
What I want and need for Father’s Day, is really what I want and need every day! I really only require 3 things....some food, "cuddle time" (kiddos and wife) and most importantly, R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
The first two are pretty straight forward.
Let me start by saying, I am not an insecure dude. I'm not asking to be worshiped as a god, but simply respected as a man (protector, provider and father). I think the word respect is kind of a “charged” word for many women. Especially ladies who feel disrespected themselves - and that their guys haven't earned it.
Just to be clear, I am writing from the assumption that your dude is a good one and deserving of respect. Also, that your dude has a proper understanding of the term/definition of respect.
With that set as the framework...here are 6 things you can do on Father’s Day (Everyday) to show your man the respect.
1. Joint financial decisions: Financial pressure is the number one pressure leading to marital stress and divorce. Good relationships are about partnership. Essentially two individuals becoming of one mind and heart. If you, the wife, are not consulting your husband and spending all of "our" money... it can be a major source of disrespect. There are a lot of assumptions being made here, so take it at face value.
2. Appreciation for what you have: If Sarah was constantly telling me what she wants and never appears to be satisfied with what she has, my ears basically interpret that as "Jeremy, you suck" and “as a provider... you are a fat failure!”
Your current financial position may not be ideal, for some… and it might actually suck. However, if your dude is holding down a job, covering your bills, home at night to love and protect you and yours....count your blessings and express gratitude for his efforts....he may need a little kick in the butt from time to time (Refer to #4) but hey, focus on the positive. It is very challenging to build a joyous future when we are not appreciated of the now. Sarah and I lived behind Long Johns Silver’s for a couple of years... it sucked! But we had common understanding and goals... we laugh about it now and have fond memories of the crap hole we called home.
3. When I screw up... because we all do!...Don't throw it in my face! Screw ups have varying degrees of seriousness and some are grounds for a firing squad; that's not what I am talking about. I'm talking about basic stuff... failure to communicate (all men suck at this - and I am guilty), failure to remember things - such as dinner or a doctors appointment (guilty), made a bad investment (guilty) or whatever. If it isn't irreversible or a repeat offender... give me a break and help remind me next time. Send me a calendar invite, ask me if there is something upcoming that I haven't yet told you about...etc. You know where we suck, don't beat me with it... be the Yin to my Yang. Ps... avoid phrases that contain... "you never" or "you always". These will immediately trigger a defensive posture and make me/them argumentative....even if we know you are right.
4. Encourage me: Be my cheerleader! Whether or not your dude is suffering from a serious case of “dad bod”, or has 15 projects that he has started but hasn't completed around the house (guilty)... A little encouragement that doesn't have a condescending undertone, goes a long way. As for me... I am super ambitious but I also lack focus. It's never an issue of motivation... I am overly motivated and sometimes over estimate my abilities.... to my credit, I have never unintentionally caught anything on fire.
Sarah being the awesome spouse she is, helps me stay on task and motivates me to complete things by encouraging me vs embarrassing/condescending/shaming/etc. So, instead of saying... "you never complete anything you start!" Which I would hear/interpret as: "you are a loser". Try saying something along the lines of... "I can't wait to see how the kids rooms turn out when you are done painting them" or "thank you for the work you've done on the garage, it will be so nice when you are finished." Then, when it IS done, act impressed! Give me a "attaboy" slap on the rump and then gently guide me towards the other 14 projects 50% complete around the house.
5. Show me the love: Sarah and I are pretty modest, so... I will let you interpret what "show me the love” means. I will simply say, when there is the expression of interest....words such as "really"? and phrases such as "you are trippin" are not appreciated. You can and are encouraged from time to time to be the initiator of physical contact. Just sayin...
6. Catch All:
- When your gas gauge is on or near the "E", please fill it up.
- Please attempt somethings on your own prior to asking for help (youtube/google).
- Don't watch any TV shows that start with "The Real Housewives Of" or "Keeping Up With" while your husband is in the room.
- Don't tell me about "drama" with other people if it doesn't involve you or our kids.
- Don't volunteer me for anything.
- Please just tell me what I did wrong vs making me participate in a guessing game.
- If you just want to vent, tell me up front... otherwise I will attempt to provide you solutions.
After 12 years of marriage and roughly 16 years of being together...we have figured most of this out.
Probably not the article you thought it was gonna be but I hope some of y'all found it insightful. A first hand look into the mind of a man. Not a whole lot going on in there ;)
Sincerely Sarah's Husband,